How Motherhood Makes You a Better Person (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Motherhood will humble you in ways you didn’t know you needed to be humbled. You’re sleep-deprived, constantly touched out, and running on cold coffee and crumbs from your toddler’s lunch. And yet… somehow, in the middle of the chaos, you realize something wild: you’re becoming a better person.

Not perfect. Not polished. Not "put together." But better. And here’s why I think it all comes down to three things: patience, self-awareness, and self-control.

1. Patience: Learning to Breathe Through the Tantrums

Before I had kids, I thought I was patient. I could wait in long lines, deal with difficult coworkers, and handle minor inconveniences with a smile. But nothing...and I mean nothing...teaches you real patience like trying to buckle a flailing toddler into a car seat while you're late and they’ve suddenly decided they "don’t like pants."

Motherhood stretches your capacity to stay calm. You learn to breathe deeply, to pause before reacting, and to pick your battles. And over time, this new kind of patience starts seeping into the rest of your life. You find yourself giving more grace, not just to your kids, but to your spouse, your friends, and even strangers who cut you off in traffic. (Okay, sometimes.)

2. Self-Awareness: Seeing Your Flaws in Miniature

Nothing holds up a mirror to your soul quite like a child who mimics everything you do. The good, the bad, the “oops, I didn’t know you heard me say that.” Motherhood makes you see yourself—your tone of voice, your habits, your go-to responses—and it pushes you to confront who you are.

It’s not always fun. In fact, it’s kind of uncomfortable. But in that discomfort is growth. You start to ask yourself questions like, “Why did I get so frustrated just now?” or “What kind of example am I setting in this moment?” It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being present and intentional. And in learning to understand ourselves better, we begin to grow into the people we want our kids to look up to.

3. Self-Control: Responding Instead of Reacting

If patience is waiting, and self-awareness is seeing, then self-control is choosing. Choosing to speak gently when you want to yell. Choosing to stay off your phone and really listen to your child’s made-up story for the 8th time. Choosing to let go of your to-do list for a few minutes because what your child really needs is for you to sit on the floor and just be with them.

Motherhood is full of moments where you’re tested, physically, emotionally, and mentally. But each time you respond with love instead of frustration, or hold your tongue when you want to snap, you’re building something strong in yourself. Not just for your child’s sake, but for your own.

The Beautiful Mess of Becoming

No one becomes a better person overnight. And no mom is nailing all of this every day. I have my moments (read: entire days) where I fall short, lose my cool, and question whether I’m cut out for this. But even in those messy moments, I can see that motherhood is refining me. It’s not about achieving some perfect version of myself, it’s about becoming someone who loves more deeply, gives more freely, and lives more intentionally.

So if you’re in the thick of it, wondering if you’re doing enough or being enough, take heart. Every diaper change, every sleepless night, every hard-but-holy moment is shaping you into a stronger, softer, and more patient version of yourself.

And honestly? That’s the kind of better I want to be.